Peering o’er the Abyss

Oh firstly the first thing I’d like to address is the chunk of sentences that were missing from my previous post, for some reason I decided to go back and read through the post again and I saw this entire chunk of verbal diarrhea missing and I was a tad flummoxed. I mean I was pretty dang sure I typed up quite a bit, but I guess this lil’ guy called my laptop got hungwee or bored and decided to scarf down chunks of words. Attention seeking behaviour perhaps? Oh well, moving along

Growing up I wanted to be a doctor, a student of the art of medicine because I liked the idea of saving people…not it’s not a superhero complex, mine was more of a lets buy more time for people to spend it with the ones they love. Sounds sappy? Yeah I know, it sounds sappy to me too and maybe a bit on the cheesy, corny, cliched side as well. But there are some feelings and intentions that stick with you for so long that they don’t seem like separate figments of thought anymore as they’ve integrated themselves into every action and form of your life. To be honest while the last few days/weeks have been festive and busy, for me they have been quite rough. A lotta old wounds were re-opened a lotta unnecessary memories were brought to the forefront. Initially it was a battle with my head to try and stop myself from seeing what I was seeing in my head, but you know how life is, it never gives you enough recovery time to slot and stash shyte away, it just adds more confounding angles to things. So did I find my peace of mind? No…in fact I doubt I ever will and its not because I’m a discontent person by nature but there are some things in life that people might have a hard time finding if not making their peace with.

The only problem with my excess baggage is that when it decides to come screamin’ and full force at me I can’t exactly deflect it or outsmart or outspeed it really, all I can do is roll with the punches tossed at me. The more I fight it the more I tend to get pushed back into a time and space constraint that resembles the walls closing in on you scenario. The problem is the time it takes to assimilate, process and eliminate the excess baggage these problems bring with them. But then again, what is it that people say? “Life ain’t a bed of roses sweetheart.” yeah sure, but life dun have to be a stem of thorns either right? Its been difficult trying to work through the nonsense and to deal with the results if not repercussions of reopening old wounds. Those feelings aren’t the greatest in the world lemme tell you, well hey I’m sure a lotta you understand if not are even familiar with the concept.

What are you supposed to do
when the pain from so long ago seems
All too familiar and in a way
Letting your fears run askew
And bringin’ on those tears

Well I just had a lyrical moment, I’ve been having guitar chords playing in my head, these words seemed to fit in there perfectly. Now if I knew what chords those chords were playin’ at who knows I might just be a composer eh? Well more like singer song-writer perhaps? Who knows maybe in another lifetime or a parallel universe? Anyway people, I think I’m gonna wrap this up right ’bout here, the more I delve the harder it is to claw my way back through to the present moment. Besides, the eyes need a break and I need a break as well. On other amusing notes, think I stand a chance of bein’ a mediocre song-writer? Take care lads and lassies and I hope all is going well with you peepz! Cheers n take a moment to breathe the world around you in, well try doing it with your eyes closed and try and feel, hear and sense every sound, feeling and thought you can sense at that moment and when you breathe out try to let it all go. I keep trying to do that on a daily basis, its relieving at times, and at others I have a blocked nose so breathing kinda becomes hard :P. Oh and if you haven’t watched Leverage yet, go watch it…no I’m serious ’bout that one go watch it, if you’re reading this really? seriously? Go spend your time wisely and watch Leverage :D. Cheers!

I did promise a few trax this post around didn’t I? Well I do like to keep my word 🙂

Song(s) of the Day:

Song: Love The Way You Lie
Singer(s): Eminem ft. Rihanna
Album: Recovery
Release Date: June 18, Circa 2010

Song: Not Sure Yet
Singer: Andy Lange
Release Date: Circa, 2009 (As per heard in Episode 1 of Season 2 of Leverage)


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