Allo allo ladies and gents!! I hope all has been going well for you guys. Apparently I’m 10 short of my half century out here eh? I guess I keep surprising myself, yay so keep ’em surprises coming I guess. But I do have a condition for the surprises, dear surprises please don’t be rude awakening ones, I’m kinda tired of those ones. However, if you are headed my way could you please find a detour or sum’n that takes you away from me pretty please? I would b a very happy and grateful child. Thunkers much, and have yourself a nice day.
I’ve been having some focus issues lately, well actually I told myself I’d get a day off and then it would be back to the grind, well so far my head has told me to screw off and that it wishes to do what it wishes to do. In fact the very head has come up with a diversion tactic to trick my mind into doing work. How it does so is something I will never understand, maybe I’m happier not knowing how it does what it does. You know people aren’t complicated, its the minds they possess that are complicated. That’s the proverbial if not metaphorical onion whose layers need to be peeled back so as to see or rather understand a person. Well it’s not just the mind that makes one complex, and yeah I did say that it isn’t people that are complicated, they only exacerbate the complexities of their mind in their own unique way, in other words they personalize their complexity. I’d love to use the word aura right ’bout now, but that would be a definite sign that the book I’m reading is definitely rubbing off on me. I do find the concept of auras highly amusing, entertaining and interesting. I mean associating a colour with a person is one thing, but to be able to see such a distinct change in colour so as to match the person’s personality or mood, in my opinion is just a whole other story. And no I’m not tripping just yet, I know I do tend to have the tendency to do so or at least seem to have a tendency to do so, but this is all natural non tripping-ness.
Maybe it’s a coping mechanism you know? Maybe it’s my mind’s way of dealing with Home Sickness or some such of the sort. I dunno this time around it was a lil’ harder to leave home behind, and I left feeling incomplete like a piece of me got lost in memories, in what if’s and what could be’s and in issues unresolved, resolved and then those buried so far in the past that every time I look back all I feel is a whole encompassing feeling of numbness. All I know is that when I look in a mirror all I see is a reflection akin to one I would expect from a cracked mirror. Maybe I’m the one that’s cracked or the mirror is, its like the glass half full or half empty analogy, only the cracked mirror or broken people or the million components of people isn’t one full of wisdom it’s just an image or in my case just a fact. Now I’m not as bleak as I sound, just a lil’ more bleaker :P. Have you ever felt that there was some moment, some instance or some aspect of your life that was just incomplete? And in order to compensate for that feeling of incomplete-ness, you overdo things maybe? I dunno, I think I may have overdone things in an attempt to make peace with actions and events of the past. I dunno maybe in a parallel universe things worked like the way I envisioned them, maybe I turned out to be a page turner of an individual or maybe I just turned out to be the worst person to mess ’round with ergo scum of the earth per se, but the sad thing is these are universes only the mind can think of, in view of this current world and the current state of affairs we’re in we don’t live in such universes and the existence of such universes have not been proven nor established. Using these reasons I try to tell my upper chamber of thought to shut it with all the unwanted and unnecessary noises and thoughts ‘cuz what we have right now are not those parallel universes but the current universes we live in. I try to make it understand that what happened happened, what we’ve lost we’ve lost and we can never regain that moment of anything wherein ’tis where we lost that closest to us and our hearts. Hoping is one thing, but then when you’re smacked in the face with the biting chill of reality….that’s when your eyes snap open and take in the sights and sounds you’re surrounded by and that’s also when your mind comes to life and reminds you some things just cannot be fixed back to the point in time where you want them to be. You can try working at it, but most likely it will never go back to where it was, if anything the only thing that can be done is to create a new level to build things up at. Yeah that means you live with your regrets, you live with your heartbreaks and you work at trying to make the best of things that you have. I should know, I’ve been trying to, but some days its just better being a shadow than being the living, breathing thing that walks and roams the earth. As a word of advice, try not to have any regrets and if you do have any well try and work it out through conventional methods like I dunno group therapy, friendly confrontations, over compensations or joining a soft ball team, choir group or sum’n or you could try the unconventional methods too where you down a few shots or drown in a few bottles of JD and find comfort in that stinging burning feeling at the back of yer throat or you smoke a few smokes and find comfort in that heaving scratchy weight of the world in your lungs feeling.
Anyway kids, I was trying to make some sense outta this thing I’m currently in, I feel in the truest sense of all senses like the solitary reaper. I feel like the nomad wandering a desert on a quest of sorts, surrounded by nobody and nothing. I wouldn’t say limbo is a good or bad thing yet, maybe it’s the thing that seems best for me at this moment, I mean who knows what the hell life is thinking? It’s all one big game at the end of it all, where you’re either a game of checker’s, chess or heck even snakes n ladders. The one good thing ’bout my current nomadly status is I got Kvack with me :D, yes I abducted or rather packed Kvack in with my stuff when I left home for the 2nd leg of my journey. Yeah I know pieces of home ain’t home but you do what you gotta and you make do with whatever it is that you have. It’s just the way of life peepz….in addition to all these thoughts ricocheting in that upper chamber, I’ve been having some heart pounding almost realistic dreams almost every night that on some days make breathing a chore, and others makes waking up sometimes the hardest and at other times the best thing to do.
A’ite peepz I think I’ve written enough for now, time for me to go reflect back on sum’n I’m working on. The writing schnazz has been on overdrive mode the last few weeks, I’ve effectively decided to re-visit an old story idea and try and re-write or re-do, actually I prefer the word refine over re-do. The idea has been a work in progress that went into idle status but has reactivated itself recently, maybe it’s the right time to write it. On other notes, I am seriously contemplating publishing some stuff I’ve worked on, I mean I have enough to publish a poetry title this year, but not sure if I should go through with it or not. What do you guys think? Well lemme know and I’m gonna end on this note. I hope everything is going well with you guys and I hope your summer hasn’t been as mind boggling as mine, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Take care and here’s wishing you all much luck with everything you gotta deal with. Oh and Happy September! 😀 Cheers peepz!
Ps: I just realized sum’n, the shortest thing ’bout this post is the title 😛 oh and the music shall return next time, unless that’s what I mentioned in my last post in which case just listen to whatever it is you’re listening to and that should suffice as your soundtrack :P.