Stoic Stillness

I would like to kick-start this post with a saying from the great Khalil Gibran, he was a man of great wisdom and every word of his is not without deep meaning and they are treasures worth sharing with the world.

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”

The last few days have been something along the lines of refractive more than reflective, I was trying to see the ‘light’ with the lights off, all I learned from that enlightening experience was that I could only get blinder :P. So, I turned on the light and voila gained my simple wisdom with the flick of a switch. That bit of enlightenment isn’t something you sit around waiting for expectantly, but at the same time sitting and waiting for it to come on isn’t gonna do much good either ‘cuz you can keep waiting and you might wait a lifetime before it comes on. So what does my neither here neither there theory with an inconclusive observation have to do with my diffraction and pretty much anything? Well, for one it helped or rather I guess is still helping me through my phase, it’s been something that I’ve been dealing with for a while actually, I just never realized how long my mind was actually at the diffractive dilemma. I guess it got tired and decided to snag my conscious into the scenario in an attempt to stem the flow of darkness and destructive capabilities that I tend to carry with me. As a response to any potential thoughts and opinions contrary to above statements, let me just say that I’ve witnessed, experienced and seen the trail I’ve left behind, not a very pretty sight, but I guess thank you for thinking otherwise…I guess one has to witness what they are capable of in order to keep themselves in check, and in order to minimize destruction. Believe that when things go outta control and outta hand and you’re left there thinking, what the fuck? how, why and when? and you shake your head in disbelief, there ain’t gonna be no ‘Yoda’ to come pull you out of your conundrums and confusion.

It’s easy to say leave the past where the past is at and learn from the past to progress into the future, but honestly, how many of us leave the past behind like the past tense? I’m gonna be bold and assume hardly too many of us. I mean hell, look at the world we’re living in currently people. If anything history has shown us the darkest side of ourselves ever imaginable where we’ve lost all form and sense of our consciences and proceeded to slaughter so many because we as people focussed more on our differences rather than the strands, threads and links that bind us together. The world is still being further divided today, and what the fuck are we all doing ’bout it? That’s right, Jack Shit, I’m just as guilty as the rest of the world; the world we live in is so caught up with it’s own pace and speed and need to outclass, outdo and outshine that somewhere along that line of overdoing things and ourselves we’ve forgotten to look at what our initial goals, dreams and targets ever were. We forget the very spark of motivation that once made us believe that life was something worth living for. Anyway, I do digress, but if we haven’t learned shit from history then how do we learn from our pasts? I think I may have just contradicted myself with the history issue, ‘cuz clearly in this case we HAVE forgotten our pasts and just marched on into the future making the same oopsies and whoopsies that we did before. A few years ago I decided I’d adopt the whole neither forgive nor forget routine of things, the first part of course was the hardest for me, I mean hey mi madre’s analogy of the kinda person I am is that I’m the equivalent of a door-mat so I guess you can take a stab at how sorta kinda hard it was for me to not do the forgiving. So, I scrapped that plan and decided I just wouldn’t give a damn about things or people anymore, I mean hey that way there’s less chances of heart pieces and soul pieces of yourself being ripped to shreds, bits and pieces. You know that way, you stop yourself from being played around with, and being the universe’s biggest joke, well okay universe is kinda big but hey everyone’s life is their own universe….we’re all galaxies and solar systems in motion. So, the genius mind of mine came up with the simplest plan just don’t care and nothing can break you more than yourself. So, like the way I’ve been for most of my current orbitting existence, I became a shadow which wasn’t too hard for me to do, ‘cuz drifting along unnoticed isn’t something I’m new to. What a fool I was, I hadn’t realized then that either way it didn’t matter ‘cuz the world still kept dancing and frolicking away to it’s own beat, rhythm and tune. I’m the kinda person who will find every alternative to fix something if it’s broken, sadly the only thing I can’t seem to fix is myself, you know they have that whole series of how to fix yourself schnazz that those self improv gurus totally profit out of? Maybe one day, some day I might write one of those books, and I’m pretty sure mine will be the non profitable one :P. I spent a few years trying to fix things so they’d go back to being what they were, never realizing I should’ve bid my adieu’s a long time ago ‘cuz those moments were never coming back. Instead I spent more time, trying harder, thinking harder, reflecting harder, banishing myself to a self imposed exile, when instead I could’ve used that time to build more beautiful, blossoming bridges. But oh well, what’s done is done ‘en it? No regrets either way though. So then why the hell am I going into such long drawn thoughts about what might be nothing to most you…well ‘cuz they are my thoughts lol, that you’re being subjected to read, so yeah apologies. Recently, I felt I had a chance to atone for some damage and destruction I contributed to at a time and age that feels and seems like a lifetime ago. But, the word atonement is something far easier to say and type out, than it is to process, experience and undergo. Like a happy little puppy, I grabbed onto my chance and didn’t see the right hook coming, and *BAM!* knocked me off my ride and was a good reminder of that harsh light of reality that is pretty damn good at picking out the shadows.

Funny, twisted thing about life though is that it gives you that choice of either being suppressed, repressed and restricted by the weight of your sins OR to pick yourself back up with all those chains tying you down and to plow forward and break them chains one at a time until you’re as free as the free-est spirit. Of where this journey will take me I’m not sure, but what I do know is that I’m probably one of the luckier shadow travellers who has a lotta love, faith and support coming from some amazing people. I’ve never understood why and I guess I probably never will, must be one of those cosmic mysteries that none of them astronauts and cosmonauts can solve.

Well folks, this is all I got time for at the moment, I kinda have some pending things to take care of, like the Season Premiere of Smallville :D, woohoo, Season 10 is here, which makes me both happy and sad, seeing as how this is the final season :(. You were well worth the 10 years Smallville and you will be greatly missed, at least by me…perhaps a spin-off might make me happy, but I dunno it’s too early to draw any conclusions. Knowing something so amazing is coming to an end makes me sad but hey all good things must come to an end, and I hope it goes out with a fantastic bang :). Until then there’s the whole season to enjoy and relish :D. Take care people, and good luck too all of ya’ll for tests, exams, work issues, job hunts, hitting dead ends and rutts in life…there is a light, know it don’t sit there waiting for it. Work keeps us honest to ourselves and to what and where we see ourselves, so work on seeing the light, must be a fuse problem or the wrong bulb :), but that light will shine it’s way down to ya, it’s a matter of the right place and the right time. Cheers.

Song(s) of the Day:

Song: One More Day
Singer/Band: VAST
Album: April
Release Date: October 16, Circa 2007

Song: Nature Boy
Singer/Band: Kerli
Album: Smallville Season 10, as featured on the Season 10 promo
Release Date: Well in all it’s epic-ness, September 2010


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s