Thirteenth Step


Hey guys and gals…I know I usually just ramble off a really long essay about various things and various permutations and combinations of things causing those various things. It’s a vicious cycle of opinions :P…none the less today what I’m about to post is not gonna b an opinion based essay….it’s actually going to be a lil’ something I created on the eve of a very special day to me. Be forewarned that the following piece is a poem, so for those of you a lil’ aversive towards poetry stay away or go read or do something that makes your senses tingle with anticipation and excitement…otherwise check this out and I would really appreciate some feedback :). So be kind and leave a msg down below :D, thunkers and have yourselves a good weekend folks.There will be a post following this, probably some time o’er the weekend, but this is what I have for now, so when you’re done reading don’t be shy to leave feedback folks…haven’t you heard? Feedback is good for the soul :). Thanks for sticking around thus far on this insane ride/journey :), hopefully the wheels keep turning on here for a while before this particular train is outta juice and service…take care peepz!

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The Thirteenth Step
Step 1…you take a step
You take a breath,
And you make your
presence felt.
No inhibitions,
Actions of innocence;
An aura of purity felt.
Living life at it’s most
genuine,
And honest best.
Until Step 2 comes around.
Wobbly, shaky,
Hesitant…resistant,
You take your step
anyway.
Moving forward,
Swaying backward,
Shutting your eyes,
While skipping ahead;
CRASH…BOOM
Things falling apart,
The first layers of
An untainted innocence
shed.
Garnished with them
pearly tears,
Learning about
That good old myth
called fear;
Savoring, better yet,
Tasting that very first
Dose of reality…
Confused, bedazzled,
You keep looking ahead.
Not knowing to,
Nor wanting to,
But out of compulsion,
Out of being told to
do so.
Being cajoled into
learning that
Oh so mighty lesson
of bravery.
You know the one,
You’ve heard it before…
The one they call a true
friend,
The one they consider
To be nothing short of
a devastating blow
To many a foe…
Or so you are told,
So you are taught;
Nodding your young
innocent head,
Confused…bewildered,
And wiping away,
The rest of your tears,
You set foot
Onwards to Step 3.
A little less confused,
A little less dazed,
Though life still passes
you by in a haze.
Shedding those layers
Of naivety and purity,
Without realizing,
Without seeing,
You move along,
You carry on…
Trudging…some days,
Racing ahead on any
other given day.
Faster than the gusty
wind,
Racing along with you
With that spirit,
That need, the urge
To grow up faster,
To grow taller faster,
Learn sooner,
Leave earlier,
Live dreams sooner;
And before you know it,
The blink of an eye,
Snap of a finger,
The world you live in,
Comes crashing down,
Up ahead atop your head.
Stuck, broken,
You scream out…
In confusion, agony, pain,
Where did I go wrong?
You question, you ask.
Don’t give up!
You hear the voices
in your head,
Repeating and whispering
unto your self.
Rise above!!
You hear them cheer
you on.
Memories of your long
time friend bravery,
Resurfacing, and,
Finding their way back
to you.
Serving to be the epitome
of loyalty
And all things a friend
should be.
You choke on your tears,
Broken by your fears;
You look up,
To that unknown
ethereal power.
Your angry tears,
Blazing their trails,
Fuelling that fire,
Burning deep inside…
You question, you stare,
You glare…you shatter.
And out of the blue,
You feel a warmth,
Surround you…
Embrace you…blanket
you…
Whispering words of
comfort,
Humming sounds of
hope.
Until…there it is…
That little crack of light,
That little sliver of
hope,
Making it’s presence
felt.
Giving you the strength,
To pick yourself up,
And march onwards,
To Step 4.
Away, away,
You keep walking,
Onward towards
Step 4.
Pondering a way,
To not let the darkness
consume you whole.
You stop a while,
And revisit,
Those lessons of a
time passed.
Memories renewed,
Victories re-savored,
Defeats re-lived,
They jolt you to life.
Suddenly the path
ahead,
Doesn’t seem as scary
anymore.
Those doubts of yours,
Don’t question you
anymore…
You take a big, deep
breath,
You step ahead,
And dive and plunge
on,
Off towards Step number
5.
They say confession is
good for the soul.
What they never say,
Is whose soul,
Feels the coolness,
Or the gentleness
Of that balm of peace,
clarity and serenity.
What they never say,
Is how twisted,
Or wicked,
A soul can be.
To use your pain against
you.
To revel…
In the brutality and
cruelty,
Of crushing yours,
Into infinitely, tiny
pieces.
Neither hindered by
consequences,
Nor perturbed by the
turning hands of time;
Confessed, tried,
Tired and emptied…
You keep walking on,
Head held high,
You stride on,
Off to Step 6 you go.
You find yourself
in a cycle…
Confused, it makes you
wonder,
Makes you contemplate,
and acknowledge,
Those little pranksters,
Consequence, and,
awareness.
You reflect…you ponder,
And then…
It hits you!
Life isn’t about,
Being a bed of roses,
Nor is it
The fiery furnace of hell.
You…like the way of life,
Need both your paradise,
And your hell,
So as to learn, live and
lead.
You realize,
Without chaos,
There is no order.
You learn the simple,
Yet ultimate truth
Of acceptance.
Lesson learned,
Wisdom secured,
You walk ahead.
Filled with a renewed
Sense of humility,
On towards Step 9 you
go.
At Step 9,
You stop…you pause,
And take a look back;
At how far you’ve
traveled,
And wonder
Just how much further
You, have yet to go.
You look back,
At good times had,
At bad times,
You wished never
happened.
You heave a sigh,
Wishing you could
turn back time,
Right your wrongs,
Take away the painful
memories;
Swearing never to
do that ever again.
With your new found
companion Repentance,
You walk together,
Up ahead on that path,
That leads to Step 10.
With promises,
And vows,
Of righting
All those wrongs you
once caused.
Like someone on a
mission,
You march forward,
With promises to keep,
And a conscience to
ease.
At Step 10,
You wait a while,
You find a need
to linger.
To remember,
All you lost,
Yet all that you gained.
Paths walked…
And paths you strayed
away from.
Shaking your head,
At your follies,
Cracking a smile
at your naivety,
You walk on towards
Step 11.
A twang of regret,
Making it’s way
through,
Regretting the loss,
Of an age of innocence,
Of purity…of naivety;
To a world we lost…
At Step 11,
You meet your long lost
friend,
Well forgotten enemy,
Reflection;
A reminder of,
Things you did,
And secrets you hid.
You wonder…you
question,
Whether or If
You could make a
difference.
Questions swirling,
Doubts twirling,
You tread lightly,
Towards Step 12.
At Step 12,
You befriend,
Your long lost friend…
The one piece,
Of that puzzle
you call life;
You meet Redemption,
Hand shaken,
You embrace each other,
Whispering solemnly,
Of sights seen,
Lessons learned,
And ultimately,
You bring up
Your quest for salvation;
From demons,
Too many to scare away,
From ghosts of past,
That have worn you
down to the bone.
To save those,
From the pitfalls,
You once had.
Hand in hand,
Taking almost full
command,
Of this darned thing
called life,
You walk forward,
Boldly, bravely…
With a confidence
anew,
Up, up and away,
You say,
On to Step 13,
Let’s make our way.
At Step 13,
You wonder…
Is this salvation?
Or is my salvation,
The lessons I lived
through,
All those 12 steps ago?
You smile a small,
Yet whole-hearted
smile,
With the knowledge,
Of your salvation
Being the journey you
traveled.
And at Step 13,
You meet the oldest,
Yet closest friend of
all,
The mighty friend we
call Wisdom.
A sense of peace…
Of tranquility,
Seeps through your
pores.
A feeling you never
felt before…
And you finally see,
and feel,
The warmth of that light
You once saw…
That tiny sliver,
That found it’s way,
Into the abyss,
You once fell into.
With a sense of fulfillment,
You savor the light.
Bathing you in it’s
radiance,
You realize then,
How your life,
Has come full circle.
You realize,
You, are your own
cause and effect.
With a realization so
profound,
You set off on a new
journey.
A new path you build,
You create…you walk
To share your
Treasures of wisdom,
And wealth of knowledge.
No longer ignorant,
You walk ahead,
Not with a trace of
hesitation,
Nor overconfidence,
But, with a sense of
purpose,
And a sense of being
one,
Not just with one’s
self,
But also,
With all that around
us,
And all that surrounds
us.

(SJ, April 12, 2011)

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