Anyway, on other notes, have you guys ever woken up…and in those moments between consciously knowing you’re waking up and opening your eyes…you visualize the worst possible repressed/suppressed/worst memories ever? I mean the memories are just so clear, specific and so precise in every detail, it’s almost as if you got teleported back to that moment and you’re re-living every bloody nano/micro second of it. It’s not enough that you do everything in your power to block it out, to forget, to carry on and move along, but it really bites when it sneaks up on you and sucker punches you while you’re reeling to get your wits about you. Every time I think I’ve moved forward I loose my footing and go stumbling down that vortex and to be honest it isn’t a lotta fun. Every single time I can just feel yet another piece of me die, naw they don’t turn into horcruxes…I’m not into the darkest and most evil form of magic, Voldemort & Co. don’t really catch my fancy so eh, I’m part of the task force that would thoroughly enjoy kicking his ass. Speaking of which, for those of you who are as crazy ’bout that series as I am then I would like to inform you that the promo for the concluding part or rather the final chapter of Book 7/Movie 7 is out and HELL YEAH it looks freaking wicked….it’s booked and a done deal. Them HP movies just like the books are a family affair as far as my familia is concerned.
None the less, I do digress….I was talking about them ghosts and nightmares that you wish you could either exorcise or forever banish from your thoughts and your mind. Turns out that isn’t a very feasible option just yet, yeah there’s ways to deal with it, sure see a shrink, talk to people about it, spread, diffuse do what you have to right? Yeah the more you talk ’bout it, the more you confront it the easier it gets to handle it…but end of the day you’re still the one bearing your corsses and picking your weeds and living with the weight of your thoughts. Of course you can choose to either let the weight of your thoughts suffocate you and bury you alive…some days it seems like the best thing to do, not because you’re a masochist, but, sometimes losing yourself in the darkness of your abyss and feeling the strain of your thoughts brings a new sense of clarity, a new sense of resilience and a certain degree of enlightenment…or at least that’s what I try to tell myself. That’s not to say there are some days where I just sit and try to sift through the remnants of myself, heck I’d rather call it shrapnel as opposed to remnants….there is nothing to remember in those tiny itty bitty memory pieces. It’s easy to say ‘get over it’, ‘move on with your life’ or ‘it happened so long ago it makes no difference now’, but, it’s a completely different story when theory is in the process of being applied. Yeah it’s easy to move on, but really what the hell does it even mean to move on? Isn’t it just the general concept and embodiment that’s you coming to terms with the situation that’s driving you up the wall? Isn’t it basically your mind and senses syncing up and calling a truce? Well guess what kids, there are some things in life that may take an entire lifetime before you end up coming to a truce with yourself. Wanna know what you do in the mean time? In the meantime you can choose the oft traveled path of ignorance, which might I add, is a very very popular path that people often tend to tread…especially in this day and age. We find it easier to switch off our thought processes and run far away from things that could potentially be labelled as our shortcomings. We love seeing that part of the reflection that enhances our concept of perfection, I mean it’s all we see or it’s all we’d rather see. I don’t exactly blame anyone in particular, except for ourselves. We’re so obsessed on marketing ourselves as the next best thing, if not THE BEST thing out there that somewhere along the line we forget that we’re just as delicate and fragile as that exquisite and crazy pricey Swarovski piece that just makes everything else look soooooo much better. Yes I’m surrounded by people who love absolutely anything and everything Swarovski (myself included)…though with me it depends on the piece, just cuz the name’s Swarovski doesn’t mean I’m going gaga o’er it…& before u ask yes I do like Lady Gaga as well, but I haven’t heard anything new so pls do me a favour and don’t decide to gimme a preview and sing sum’n that sounds nothing like the original. At least by doing so you can spare me the agony of going deaf just yet, I mean I know it’s written in the cards and is bound to happen somewhere down the line in the future but I would much rather prefer my deafness being the result of my wicked ways of cranking up the volume with the muzaaakkk rather than have some third party kill my hearing with their vocals….for instance, my lovely brother pulling an LG would be very injurious to my health. That being said though, there was this moment last year when I was on the phone with him and he started singing the sound effects part of ‘Poker face’…it was a very interesting conversation ‘cuz at first I thought I was losing my mind ‘cuz I wasn’t able to understand the words coming outta his mouth, then I realized he was singing….so I did the next best thing…I joined in. I’m sure mum thought we lost our minds ‘cuz at the end of it broda was giggling lol. Oh well losing minds is a genetic thing, I mean we had to pick it up from the folks :P.
The power of memory is both crushing and gratifying, in a way it’s the boon and the bane that humanity signed up for I guess. Like the power of choice wasn’t good enough for us to screw each other and ourselves over with, sure lets give these humans the power to recall and relive things and see just how they fare. Higher cognitive functioning mumbo jumbo nonsense…how are we any superior than all the other living systems if we don’t use the lessons of our past to solidify and secure our future? Hell we’re still following Hammurabi’s code aren’t we? Eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth? Sometimes the greatest scars inflicted upon a soul are those that are self-inflicted…sometimes that act of self infliction is not one that we consciously go about, but it’s that very power of memory that can either have us standing taller than the tallest structure in the world and sometimes it’s the very thing that reduces us to nothing but ashes in the blink of an eye. The M&M factor is a dangerous thing (Mind and memory not the chocolates but damn I could do with a pack of ’em right ’bout now) so do me a favour and try not to just bring out it’s ruthless side out…people these days are strapped for hope and it would actually be refreshing to see that not everyone is a conniving son-of-a-bitch with an agenda of their own who is trying to pull the other down. Sometimes a lil’ compassion goes a long way, sometimes it could literally be the difference between life and death. I know these all seem like such grandoise statements and repetitions of things echoed in the past but it’s just ridiculous, repulsive and annoying to keep running into the same bullshit on a constant basis. But that’s a tirade for another time and another day, if I ever remember to go on a mindless rant about it later then I think there most definitely will be something that I say then.
A’ite kids I think I’m gonna sign off on this post right ’bout now, there was a good span of a few days between when I started this and when I’ve finished this so if anything the thought process is a lil’ all over the place, but hopefully the next one won’t be quite as much. I have too many shadows and ghosts lingering around me, sometimes and some days some ghosts like to rear their ugly heads a lil’ more often than I’d like them to. It’s just difficult some days to sit there and verbalize your demons when just visualizing them paralyzes and cripples you in any and every possible way. It literally sucks the very life outta you that it becomes really difficult to put verbalize and vocalize it. No amount of dream catchers are gonna be able to do anything about the nightmares I have, but like they say life ain’t a bed of roses….if it ain’t a bed of roses for the living then whaddaya think it is for the living dead? That brings me to the next lil’ bit here, I have sum’n that’s the start of a poem, tel ya what, if and when I get done and done with it I might just post it on here, not sure though, we’ll see how it goes. Well on that note boys and girls I’m gonna exit stage right or left, whichever direction suits your needs 😛 and try and make my way through that long winded path that pretty much is the way to my dreams. I hope all is well with ya’ll and life ain’t handing you down too much of a beating…someone once told me that life only gives you what you can handle…so don’t worry you’ve got this under control and you’ll get through this, it’s why you’re here and it’s why you are who you are and nobody can take that away from you ever! Take care kids and here’s until next time!
We are not all born innocent,
We are not all born guilty,
Redemption is for those
Is for those seeking
Song(s) of the Day:
Album: Who We Are
Release Date: July 8, Circa 2008
Album: Dreaming Out Loud
Release Date: November 20, Circa 2007