It’s been a while since I’ve been away from home, and there’s a few things you learn about yourself when you’re away from everyone and everything that usually keeps you grounded and keeps you within your comfort zone (to speak of.) If you thought trying to get your parents to agree to let you do something that requires a lot of persuasion is bureaucratic in of itself, well, then let me say ‘Oh boy…’ you’ve got yourself in for quite a surprise. Well of course the rest of us see this bureaucraticness in various forms as we progress from one stage of life to another…as we progress from the training wheel stage of High School and then fall flat on our faces or asses from then on. From what I’ve seen, there’s been a nice cut up b/w being a smooth walker and talker, and being the hermit…apparently you can’t be both or the mere thought of being both is quite blasphemous. As much as I’d love to talk about the gossipers and the steady headed people (who are far too rare and far tooooo few a breed in today’s world, of this I can assure you) I don’t feel quite up to the task of ranting about those strangers and acquaintances. Since it’s a day celebrating love, I’d rather talk about those people who I figure fall into that category of emotions that you can actually associate with them. You know the people you love, and those you love to hate ‘cuz those are the ones who bring out the fine emotions of anger and hate (which I do find to be too strong an emotion, a clean & pure one though, that could slice through butter, but none the less too strong an emotion.)
Absence does make the heart grow fonder you know…that’s the one thing distance has taught me. It’s taught me the boundaries and limits of things that I can withstand, and it’s kinda sorta given me the ability to call someone out on their BS, especially when the someone is a friend. I’m not exactly one who likes to go looking for fights, or confrontations of any sort…but being away has ebbed and chipped away at some aspects of myself that used to mean a lot to me, but now in hindsight I just look at myself and go ‘You dumbass.’ I mean I can’t believe the things that I’ve done and allowed myself to be manipulated into doing under the pretext of ‘friendship.’ There are certain people in my life that I knew, have gotten to know and know will stick with me through thick and thin, and then there are the questionables…situational questionables who claim so and whose actions just dictate something that’s entirely different from what they say.
I’ve often held this claim, if not notion, that back in Undergrad, there was this rather interesting individual who I met through my CT (not the scan) and who I figured would be a rather genuine and nice individual. Yeah well…talk about rerouting thoughts and opinions following interesting episodes of backstabbing…this individual drove a nice hard wedge, b/w a really good friend of mine and myself, turned against me and I became quite the villain (that’s always an interesting scenario ‘cuz I make a pretty badass villain :D.) I admit I felt like shit initially ‘cuz you know when people whisper and send out not so subtle signals verbally and physically ’bout things, and you don’t exactly feel all that sunshiney or cheery like a bowl of cheerios. Cut to a few years later…and, Oh hell yeah! I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that creton anymore, Jaesus and to think I got reeled into, well to put it more aptly, suckered into doing things (to the extent of doing assignments for classes I didn’t even HAVE!) for ’em I’m glad I don’t have to deal with those creatures anymore. Too much drama, and very little genuinity to obtain. All quantity, no quality.
Very recently I also discovered how wonderful it was to detach from that entire group of individuals back then, if I’d have stuck around I’d be involved in more gossip and emotional baggage (that didn’t belong to me) than I’d want to be part of. A few days ago I stumbled across more interesting epiphanies…there was this chick back in High School who pulled some wannabe gangsta shit on another friend, and it sorta kinda drifted on towards Undergrad. Here’s the messed up part, I got cussed out for their delinquency, due to sheer association, and this delinquency snowballed into a huge freaking virtual argument. Curious part, some people involved are back to being friends and I get the blistering cold shoulder…but then again that is fantastic news for me ‘cuz one less problem to worry about. I guess the other reason is probably because I have the personality of a clam, so go figure how attractive that is…unless you’re some lemon juice and parsley with a hint of garlic…in which case we’d get along just fine.
Now, over the summer I had a rather interesting ‘friendular’ experience. An old friend visited, and, in the circle of my akademick madness I was able to make some time (which I actually covered for with a buncha reasonable excuses) ‘cuz you know when old friends come into town you don’t just not go see them right? Well see here’s the thing, I was in the dog house with the parental unit on the akademick front ‘cuz I had to head back to re-do a semester of a class in the fall, ‘cuz my bloody lab T.A couldn’t let go of half a point and pass me. Yes this is something I still can’t seem to let go of, I don’t think anything has pissed me of as much as this idiot T.A’s decision. Anyway all good and terrible things do come to an end, eventually…Thankfully that class is done. So yeah, here I am in the doghouse ‘cuz you know there’s the thought of how obviously I didn’t study hard enough or else I wouldn’t have had to go back and do a semester of this monster class over again right? In the pursuit of catching up with old friend, I get counter questioned with ‘Jaesus dude, aren’t you done studying yet? How much more are you going to study? Time to work and settle down and all ya know?’ Well here’s a side note, apparently my biological and mental clock is a concern for everybody else but me. None the less I go out on a limb to meet up and catch up and drive around like an idiot around and about town or rather towns..and this is my fav part…in a message of thanks and wonderfulness and mentions of all the people that took the time and trouble out to meet, greet and visit I failed to feature on there. I’m not begging for attention, but hey thanks for the lack of acknowledgement, and thanks for playing me and utilizing the loyalist nature of my friendship. Call me petty, but yeah sorry that’s not how you do things…so needless to say thanks for dropping by in my life, make sure you shut that door on your way out.
So now that the shit and grit’s been dealt with, let’s get to the love filled parts shall we? Being away from home has strengthened some of the greatest bonds I’ve shared with some of the most amazing people in the world. Even though I don’t get to see them, talk to them or hang out with them as much, sometimes just hearing their voice for 5 minutes on the phone, or reading 5 lines if not 5 paragraphs of an email from them or getting blog alerts, and forwards with poems like ‘Desiderata,’ or conversations on Gtalk and FB have been the most uplifting, motivating and inspirational conversations I’ve had. They’ve been the right things that I needed at those very moments to make me carry on, to move forward and put one foot in front of the other to get towards my dreams. These guys have shared in my failures and victories and have NEVER turned their backs on me. Now if that’s what you call love, then I’m sorry to say the 14th of February just ain’t sufficient to celebrate the beautiful and wonderful people they are and the aura they carry about them, nor does it do them any justice.
On that note, vomit out the useless ones sucking you dry of your emotions, who make you think before you utter every word, who make you play out a scenario in your head before you state a decision and stop you from being and expressing who you truly are. Yupp it’s Vomit Day so go ahead vomit out all the unnecessary stuff, and toxic people in your life…after all our bodies are smart enough to do that, in order to protect us, when there’s something unwanted or toxic in our system so why can’t we? Celebrate the beautiful and amazing people in your life who let you be who you are and stand by you, and call you out too, when you do something ridiculously stupid or when you emerge victorious in something you set out to achieve. End of the day you know that’s the kinda love you want to be surrounded and nurtured by…’cuz that kinda love can withstand any test of time and any sorta distance or variable that life tosses at it. Like the words on my PJ’s…Love, Peace and Happiness…people. Oh yeah, and I don’t own the pix in posts, the original creators do, in this case all rights belong to softonic.com. Thanks for infusing colour and life into my post.