Monthly Archives: April 2012

The very epitome of the profound nature of simplicity!

Advertisements

Footprints

I drew inspiration from a post I came across today. Sometimes there are things in life that fill up this void if not gap in communication that words just can’t seem to fill or complete. If you get the time do check out the post

http://lesplaisirssimplesdelavie.wordpress.com/2012/04/29/you-leave-footprints/

Footprints

You leave your footprints,
Somewhere beside me,
Bold and brazen,
Sunk and cast for eternity,
For the whole world to see.
Not behind me,
Nor overshadowing mine,
So as to see how the lines,
Of our lives entwine…
But right next to mine,
You leave your footprints
behind.
An eternal reminder
That no matter what happens,
That regardless of the storms
weathered,
And, no matter how the world turns,
You’ll always be there,
Right beside me.
My pillar, my strength, my
conscience.
Like a shadow,
Like the gentle breeze that
dances with the rain,
Never alone, and never left
behind,
Forevermore.

The Wanderer

Just experimenting around with a new sorta writing & formattin’ style with the poetry-ness. Enjoy!

The Wanderer

Bouncing from place to place,
Trying to mingle, trying to belong,
In a sea of faces,
Spanning countless races,
Searching for traces of oneself,
Through this mad myriad of countless
cases,
Surrounded by unreadable and unreceptive
faces.
Stumbling and tripping over undone
laces,
While living through and with people’s
farces,
Here you are,
Trying to establish one out of many bases,
That you’ve managed to live out of,
Through the crazy times, the hazy times,
And all the other times,
When the only expression aimed your way,
Was resentment, bitterness and despair,
In the form of soul cracking gazes,
And ear piercing, heart-wracking phrases.
The curse of the wanderer, they say,
To be the outcast, the castaway.
Yet here you stand your ground,
Stomp away at all those burning
thoughts,
Countless doubts, and worries eating away
And letting you free fall from your own
good graces.
Lock eyes with all your haters,
And those countless nay-sayers,
And show them the depths, phases and realms,
Of true integrity, stamina, intensity and
strength,
So that they never forget,
The fire, spirit and depth of the ones,
They dared to berate and belittle,
And insult, in way too many ways
And way too many times,
As the clue-less, soul-less vagabonds
And face-less wanderers.

 

Payphone

Well I tried keeping this short, but didn’t quite work out as planned. Been a bit on the MIA side of things, so forgive the rusty nature of the writing skills. Hope everything is going fantastically well with all of you and have a fantastic weekend!

——————————————————————————————————

Begin Transmission

It really is quite amusing…Of all the places in the world, this, is the last one I expected to return to, to spend this wretched night at. I guess everything really does come full circle. This is where it all began so it’s only natural and logical that it all ends here. I guess everyone was waiting for this day, just so they could tell me ‘I told you so.’ But nobody saw the other side of the equation, you know, the side where you deal with the predicted event and it’s aftermath. Too much has happened between the last time I was here and now, in this present time…it feels like the alienation of somewhere into nowhere.

Between then and now, not much has changed, well maybe except for the payphone off to the corner by the nature trail. It looks a little worse for wear, but it’s always been a constant as far as this place is concerned. Lonely, well now rather dilapidated, but always there as company for the lake of tranquility. I wonder if they have conversations about the oddities they see coming around and about over here…wouldn’t that be something? I always curious about that payphone, I wonder if it’s ever worked all these years, or if it’s just there to provide some sense of comfort that what you’re looking for or searching for is just a phone-call away. The last time I was here, staring out into this picture of tranquility and serenity, I swore that I would never return, I swore that this was the last time I’d even be in this place….I made a vow of sorts to myself, that, I was going out there into the big bad world and I was gonna come out guns blazing….at the top of everyone and everything. That all the jerks and morons in the world who kept crushing, chipping and breaking my spirit and me every step of the way would regret their actions and what they’d become. I had even decided that, if our paths ever crossed at that point in life, then, I would make their lives miserable….a favor for a favor. I paid my respects, packed my bags and left the remnants of my childhood and teen years behind, and set out to chart the path to my destiny.

I knew right from that time that there was something wrong, and it made me furious. There were too many weaknesses and faults…too many crosses to bear and flaws contributing to the wear and tear of my soulless soul. People had their opinions about the ever driven, heartless, cold yet startling bastard that was me, who was never forgiving of trivial errors and minute miscalculations. Nobody understood where, who or what I was. I was fortunate to have a few people who tried, but, even they over time washed their hands off and said their goodbyes, after-all there is only so much one can try. I used to care, I used to spend hours listening, talking and sorting other people’s problems out. Then life throws you a curveball and you have to decide and prioritize as to whose problems and concerns are more important, yours or theirs. I tried the theirs part for a bit, and got walked all over the place, and never taken seriously for a bit, I guess people forgot that little part of the story. Over time people choose to remember only those things that fit their decisions and mental images. The day I decided to put myself first and ahead of the rest of them, was when the hues, cries and remarks of ‘Oh you’ve changed,’ and ‘You aren’t the same person I knew,’ and ‘What happened to you?’ colored sentences more than common courtesies.

The talking and weird snarky and saucy remarks came first…followed by pointless and shameless reminders and emotional guilt trips of the paradoxical and rather one-sided nature of this thing called friendship. Then the labels trickled in and with a few words and a rather short period of time, I became the cold hearted piece of trash who only knew how to use people and use any means necessary to get where I wanted to. Nobody stopped to think or see the pieces of me dying away, withering away to the dust beneath the soles of my shoes. Nobody looks any deeper once they receive, what they call substantial proof, in the form of an incident or event to corroborate their sentiments and judgments about you.

There was that one time when i fell in love and learned about perfection and what it meant to be whole, but, apparently even love has parameters and boundaries defined by things other than those in love. She was the most amazing thing that happened to me; she was what all those books, poems, songs and movies often referred to as, ‘The One.’ But her friends and the social world we live in, managed to take away the one thing that started to matter in a long time.

I still remember that day so vividly, when it all came to a blaring, jarring and deafening end…It started off as a special night for me. I had been putting in all these extra hours at work, barely making it back home for a few hours of sleep, just so I could get her the perfect ring. I knew she would be a little upset with the late nights and everything, but I didn’t want to ruin the big surprise, and I figured once she knew the reason why, she’d just as easily forgive me. However, I didn’t know at the time the price that I would pay for my assumptions. That night at dinner, there was a lot of tension in the air. At the time, I thought it was probably my nerves and that little box in my pocket. And just as I was about to literally pop the box and the question I was popped instead….instead of a ‘happily ever after’, we broke up and I embodied the unhappy ever since persona. The one person I thought understood me couldn’t stay with me not because she didn’t want to, but, because she decided it was better to not be together at all instead of being at the receiving end of wagging tongues and rumor mongers. She never found out about the ring, nor did she find out about my exquisite plans. 3 months later, she was with someone else, I knew she didn’t love him, not the way we loved each other, but who was I to stop her from going after her happiness? 4 months after that, I got their wedding invite, and all the remaining hopes for a ‘maybe happy ever after’ died along with it. I showed up at the wedding, quite literally ripping the band aid off of my wounds, but I had to know, I had to make sure she was happy or at least seemed content without me around, and she was. That didn’t stop her friends from taking their jabs either, I guess people never change. I let them take their pot-shots. That day, she was all that mattered and I just faded into the background, another spectator, another clown, another shadow flickering by.

From then on it was a downward spiral, things got out of control and out of hand. I dismissed the warning signs, the headaches, the black outs…it was all in my head anyway, and I just threw myself into work. Day became night, night became day and life went on with me hell bent on getting my pound of flesh from the world. Time flew by, people breezed by and I just kept climbing that success ladder, closer to my visions, and, ever closer to my dreams. I achieved that goal I set out for, albeit at a rather heavy price, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything else if I had a choice. I proved them all wrong and I made them eat their words, and I sure as hell turned their envy factor on. Of course, by then they had all moved on with their lives, they didn’t remember the pettiness or the pain caused by their actions and words, I guess that was always mine to carry for the rest of my life.

Through all those years and all those times, there was no family, no distant relative nor sibling who bothered to pick up that phone and give me a call. I was the outcast, and I guess I always would be, but I showed them all up in the end didn’t I? The only person who bothered to check on me was my Assistant, mostly because it ensured the paycheck factor, and well alright, there may have been a bit of that whole human concern factor tossed in there as well. Besides, he was the one who found me passed out on the floor somewhere…another black out, another day. To me it wasn’t a big deal anymore, it was just the fatigue and lack of sleep catching up. When I came to I was asked if I had any family I could call, and apparently my response of no, wasn’t all that surprising. They asked me to review my will and any other legal matters I may have pending. Now you know when you hear something like that it’s never going to end well. Then they sent me to a. shrink to get evaluated, they drew up a conclusion and tossed me a long worded diagnosis. All I know is I’m marked, the clock is ticking and I’m punching out soon, either out of choice or through a pre-ordained course of events.

So here I am, facing the tranquility and serenity of my sanctuary….nothing much has changed since the last time I was here, except perhaps my perspective and that payphone. I used to be furious as to how the lake always seemed so passive and calm even through the worst storms and times. I remembered being furious at how it never hissed, churned, turned and spewed away at all the crap that happened, and how it preferred to remain calm instead. Today when I look at its rippling form I realized that I adapted its persona rather unknowingly, where everything appeared calm and collected on the outside but only I knew the maelstrom that churned within. Today we were bonded…as I stared at it my phone went off. It was a message from my Assistant expressing his early condolences at an irreversible course of life I would be trudging along, and offering his assistance and help in any way he could. Just as I was contemplating tossing my phone out there into the beyond, I suddenly remembered a snapshot from a time so long ago that it almost seemed unreal. I couldn’t remember when this picture was taken or when I decided to have it accessible at all times on my phone, but, I remember it was the perfect moment and the first time in a long time that I wasn’t alone and I was perfectly content. I stared at the payphone, an old accomplice, the lake’s faithful friend, and that far fetched face of hope, something that triggered un-calculated and unexpected sequence of events in the next few moments.

Before I knew it, my mind and fingers were several steps ahead of me. They started dialing a number and before I processed what had transpired the phone was ringing and my breath caught…my heart was racing in anticipation of who would pick up that phone, I didn’t bother even looking to see whose number I had dialed, but deep down I had a feeling as to who it was. Before I could chicken out and hang up someone picked up the phone, and then, I heard the one voice that stilled and thrilled my heart all at once. She sounded perfect even after all these years, though there was a slight edge of curiosity or was that confusion in her voice? Or maybe that was just me. When she repeated her hello a second time I realized I had to say something before she hung up, and before I lost my last chance to connect with the only person that defined home for me.

“Hey, please don’t hang up…It’s me, Gabriel.”

End Transmission
————————————————————————————————–

Spring-stepper

Well I’m not trying out a physics experiment for one, I think I got a few loose springs in the head anyway. It’s been a tumultuous time these past few weeks, actually they’ve blitzed by so fast it’s been a little difficult trying to hit the pause button and ease up to stop by and share a few thoughts, sentiments, plans and random vent-age of frustrations. Eh nobody said handling different aspects of yourself and your life was gonna be easy, but at the same time nobody said u can’t have fun while being a juggler, regardless of your rather flummoxing, dig-a-hole-and-bury-yourself-in-it disappointing, hand-eye motor coordination skills. Worst case scenario? Whatever you’re juggling takes a nice dive onto your head and cracks one on yer noggin…apparently that’s supposed to be enlightening
 
Man, lemme tell you something. Every time I head off on towards the next stop on my journey I have these side-bar adventures. Each of these side bar adventures I wind up on, I meet interesting people, and the weirdest part (at least so far) that I’ve encountered so far is that at least one of these people I meet have clepto tendencies towards food (mine included along with others) and walk around like they’ve done nothing at all. Talk about trashy, crassy people with some smarts. That being said though, I do have to credit them for their smartness, they don’t just gyp off one person’s stash in one go, they rotate, so the actual owners have no clue they’re missing things until they’re keeping a keen eye on their stocks. And by that, I mean unless you’re counting EVERY single thing in there, you won’t know you’ve had your stuff taken away. Honestly, I have no idea how these whack jobs manage to cross paths with me :|…maybe there’s something just as whacky about me too, and the Universe has this massive plan of having a whackoparty where all the whackos of the world meet up and socialize in whacky ways?

Anyway specimen #2 who we shall call the Towel Trotter and is also food thief and general supplies thief, was from the domestic side of the shores, the first one was Psycho from across the ocean. Thankfully that adventure is done, as mentioned in a previous post. So specimen #2 has some severe mental problems, she LOVES talking with her hands, if her hands had vocal chords they’d do all the talking for her, they’re more expressive than her facial expressions. Man and you knew she was in the house, ‘cuz you’d hear a continuous stream of door slams, be them cabinet doors, the fridge door, the main door, her bleeding room door…mother of God, the woman was a noise generator, who had the audacity to declare that I’m perpetually depressed ‘cuz that’s how my face looks :S. Seriously? Where the hell did you get your social skills from? A fortune cookie? And she’s one of those classic examples of people who I’d like to call distracters…you know the kinda folks who like to give you all this additional info about their lives that you neither care about nor asked them about but they feel it’s their job to tell you. It’s their way of trying to get your entire story, so as to hit your weaknesses and strengths, and see what kinda person you are. I know I’ve mentioned this in earlier posts, but seriously people you guys need to stop assuming that everyone around you has 500 different masks slipping and sliding into place with hidden agendas…I mean hell you wanna know something about someone, sometimes just asking them the damn question directly would be helpful. Oh yeah and she’s a.k.a the ‘Towel Trotter’ ‘cuz the last day we were there she decided to come and have a conversation with me clad in her towel :|…I had no idea where the hell to look lol, and my folks had such a good laugh at my expense. She went on to explain how her clothes were in the washing machine…Man! If your damn clothes are in the washing machine then maybe you should wait until they’re all done and ready to be worn before coming to talk to me…jeez…she pulled the same damn stunt on the morning we were all moving out and offered to help me empty the dishwasher. My biggest concern was that damn towel coming off :S…dang guy I had other things to get done and done with and this loco chica comes about clad in her towel wasting my time and then trying to help, when in reality all she was doing was doubling my dishwasher clearing time. And of course you know what happens when you express these concerns to the parental unit :P. Their response was ‘Oooohh maybe she was trying to hit on you or sum’n’ *wink wink, nudge nudge*…talk about the mother of all eye rolls. Man I’d be glad if someone was trying to hit on me, but in all honesty if that was the attempt on trying to hit on me then that’s literally like running over me with a bus :S…c’mon chica brush up those skills *tsk tsk*. Even I know that, and that’s saying something man….clearly this is an indication of spring fever in the air.

Other than that folks, it’s been a crazy time and a super rough time…I’ve been having to re-evaluate thoughts and sentiments about the way I see and do things and most importantly the way I see myself. There’s been moments in these past 5 weeks where I’ve felt like the world’s biggest dumbass who seems to not be cut out for anything. Lemme tell you sum’n folks, I don’t care what your IQ tests say, but here’s a life lesson. Every turn in life is gonna give you a stumper that has aspects and facets to it that you’ve never ever seen or been through before and leaves you clueless. Your biggest problem then isn’t the problem at hand, it’s how your mind sees, perceives and delivers instructions to handle it. Every time I hit a low (which seems to be quite often the last few weeks) all the parties that make up brain decide to have simultaneous conversations and make those headaches worse than they should be. Sometimes they even toss in random topics that have no correlation to the problem at hand. However, that being said, it’s easier to just let your mind sink and drop to the bottom of the abyss you always feared you faced, instead of swimming against the force of the currents pulling you down and fighting to break through the surface. I won’t lie, but during these past few weeks it’s been really difficult to try and drum up inspiration in any shape, size or form…and when you see results that crush that sense if not feeling of ‘Man yeah I know I’ve been making progress’ it just makes the digging for inspiration harder. What I’m trying to say folks, is that, ultimately everything is a mind game…the biggest thing in the Universe that fucks around with you is your head space. The only person who can talk you into or out of something is yourself. No matter how many speeches you hear of don’t ever give up on your dreams and all that other stuff, end of the day it’s what if not how your mind decides and perceives things that determines the outcome. You don’t need fire, you don’t need fuel to ignite and spur you on towards drive and determination…all you need is a moment of quiet, peace and clarity. If things are chaotic, you MAKE the damn time ya hear? Go to the place that makes you feel safe, it could be a park, it could be the basement of your house, your backyard, a library, the grocery store, heck it could be the backseat of your car. Whatever it is, go to your calm place, the eye of your storm and have your moment of clarity…because from that moment on you KNOW what it is that you want and you REFUSE to settle for anything less than that. It is through that clarity that you really know and find the truth you’re looking for.

Yeah folks, I have to impart some of this stuff, I think the world only need one Idiot like me, and not a gazillion more. I know I ain’t a ball of sunshine wrapped in ribbons of optimism, but, hey the terms verbal carnage don’t exactly sound all sunshiney either :P. None the less, I do hope everyone’s been doing fantastically well, and I just wanna wish you all a very Happy Easter! The writing has been a bit sporadic both on here and out on Thotfaktoree, but time hasn’t been something I’ve had a lot of. But to those of y’all who’ve held on a very huge ‘Thank You’ for your patience and time. Until next time, happy adventures everyone!

Infinity

A burst of inspiration towards the end of one of the most intense, brutal yet refreshing months of my life. It was only fitting to write a poem as a tribute to Mental March and to all the madness and lessons it has bestowed upon me.

INFINITY

There is nothing more
potent,
Nor stronger,
Nor as fierce,
As the fire of ambition,
That drives us ahead;
Nor more graceful and,
beautiful,
Than the ethereal nature
of dreams,
That fill our hearts
with peace,
Our minds with,
A sense of solace,
Unheard of and unseen.
There is no force,
No power, and,
Ultimately nobody,
Who can take you,
Away from you.
It is from you,
That the world begins,
The world spins,
And it is with you,
That the symphony orchestra
called Life,
Tries to keep it’s pace,
beat and rhythm to.
In a world,
That may seem to be
filled with thorns,
More often than not;
That pricks us, cuts us,
And makes us bleed.
We often forget,
How we have left our
imprints behind,
Stained and marked
our way,
Through the path of life.
All we see,
Is how much we bleed,
How deep our wounds
run,
And all we feel is,
How intense, that sensation
of pain is.
Never do we realize,
That, we always have a
choice.
To either stay behind,
And lament over,
All the blood, sweat and tears,
Shed up until now,
With no light,
Nor good fortune in sight.
Or we can choose,
To wrap our wounds,
Shed our tears,
And gather the weight,
Of all the pain endured,
From all those cuts, bruises
and blows,
Rained on us over
the years.
Along with the sum,
Of all our fears.
And move ahead,
One step at a time,
One day at a time,
To the banks,
Of the river of our dreams,
The safety, shelter and,
Serenity of our visions.
For never should we,
Choose to forget
That, the only way
To set ourselves free,
Is to have dreams loftier,
than all our previous dreams,
Set our sights on goals
Higher than those we
have already achieved.
To believe in our dreams,
And to let the fire
Of passion, motivation,
Inspiration and determination,
Forge our paths,
Towards and beyond
INFINITY!

The End–