Tag Archives: words are my sanctuary

Poetry Shenanigans – Lifesaver

I thought I’d play around a little bit more with style and formats, so here’s a poetry experiment for Wonderful Wednesday. Hope everyone is doing great!

Lifesaver

Do you consider yourself worth saving?
Have you seen yourself in the mirrors that matter most?
Have you seen what you look like through those eyes?
The ones that ground you and anchor your soul?
Do you know what fear feels like?
While watching pieces of you disappear and dissipate?
While watching the elements that once made you,
Fall apart and be replaced by this unrecognizable version of you?
Do you know what loss feels like?
It feels like those grains of sand slipping through your fingers,
That you just can’t seem to hold on to, no matter how hard you try.
I would know because I’ve tried.
Do you know what darkness feels like?
I feel like you do,
Since the only bits of you that remain in my line of sight nowadays,
Is nothing more than a mere shadow,
That lets me know of your existence and nothing else.
Fear is when I wake up thinking today might be the last day,
Today might just be the last time I get to say,
Those three precious words,
That once made your day,
Once was the brightest ray to cast it’s brilliant light your way,
But now is just another way of me asking you to stay,
Another way to say the only words to let you know it’s okay,
That I’m always here regardless of the constraints time seems to
toss your way.
And in time you will see the power of those three words,
As they wrap their way around your very being,
And guide the way.
Head over heart, heart over head,
The eternal battle of damnation that keeps waging war on your sanity,
Makes you question your mental faculties,
Makes you reconsider your life’s priorities.
One day you shall see,
Love has no boundaries,
No qualms about breaking down and tearing apart those walls,
You once thought were indestructible,
That you built so carefully around those parts of you guarded most cautiously.
One day you will see, that not all is what it always seems to be,
And that the ones in your life who were meant to be,
Never withdrew or walked away,
But were just waiting for the day where you’d finally ask them to stay.

SJ

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Poetry Shenanigans – Rules of Engagement

Rules of Engagement

One, two…
Take that blow.
Shrug it off,
Go with the flow.
Three, four…
Hang in there a little
longer,
This ring is your playground,
You’ve got this under control.
Five, six…
Dodge those jabs,
Block those hooks.
Seven, eight…
They’re waiting for you to
throw the towel in.
Don’t let your guard down.
Nine, ten…
Tire them out, drain them,
Dodge, keep moving, feint,
It’s coming, keep an eye out,
NOW, it’s time for a TKO.

SJ

Poetry Shenanigans: Reflections

Reflections

Agitation, Trepidation,
They colour my thoughts,
Every waking moment.
Retribution, Indignation,
Like a chant,
Mumbled and murmured
everyday.
Hesitation, Frustration,
Clouding my decisions these
days.
Validation, Resolution,
The only notes of peace,
I seek out like a hungry, weary
traveller.
Revelations, Revelations,
The future beholds,
Chants and whispers,
Muttered among the wise and
the old.
Salvation to all these violations,
The future beholds.
Be your own solution,
Seek your redemption,
Within your own reflection.
Deflect all insinuations,
All misguided misinterpretations,
Towards your situation,
Because the best solution,
Lies within your Intuition.

SJ

Afloat

Afloat

The words drowned,
As quickly as they rose,
To the shore.
Reflexively, reflectively,
Leaving behind a gaping
hole,
In my very core.
Not a clue, not a trace,
Of how much time has
passed,
And how time has passed,
In such haste,
That there I lay,
Wasted, basted, lambasted,
Left with minimal grace,
With an unrecognizable
face.
Gone are the traces,
Of familiar smiles,
And doe-eyed, dreamy eyes.
In their place,
Remain orbs,
Dull, glassy, lifeless,
Lost trying to find a place,
Given up on the hope,
That lit their gaze.
Dreamchaser, Dreamcatcher,
They just remain mere
nicknames,
Traces of who I once used to
be.
The one they called the naïve
idiot,
Too bullheaded to think that
Dreams could be reality,
They all snickered,
As they saw the naïve idiot,
Being broken down over time,
Broken by the bitter lashes,
Life’s executors took pleasure
in whipping away.
They all cheered,
When the final remnants,
The glint and glimmer,
Of the idiot dreamer’s,
Hopes and aspirations,
Were burnt,
By a bitter flame.
When all I was reduced
to,
Was just another face,
In the weary faced crowd.
And just when they thought,
They’d broken every piece
of the dreamer down,
A part deep within,
Hidden…unseen…unbidden,
Flickers to life.

SJ

Nano Series: Lights Out

Here’s one of the first stories to make it to the Nano/Novella Series for 2016. It’s titled ‘Lights Out’ and is a story about love, loss, outcomes, and the curveballs life throws  your way. Well as I mentioned on the page, each chapter will be a separate post of it’s own. Feel free to share your thots, sentiments, feedback, queries in the space below. Happy Reading!

 

LIGHTS OUT

Chapter 1

Lights out kid….lights out.

Is this how it ends?

The din surrounding me seems to be quieting down. There seems to be a newfound silence that’s sweeping the arena. I can’t really see what’s going on, my vision has gone past being a blurry haze. It’s as though a fog has descended and it just seems to get thicker with every passing moment. I guess this is as fitting an end as any for someone like me…going out on a high, as beaten, broken and battered as I’ve always been. There honestly is nothing more left to live or die for, I’ve made my peace, now it’s time for my reckoning. I’ve lived, loved, lost and died a lifetime’s worth.

Wait…when did it get so quiet? I see shadows within the fog. Is someone waving at me? Are they holding their fingers in front of my face? I can’t tell…my eyes are beyond swollen shut. Are they asking me questions? I don’t even know anymore and to be honest I could care less. There’s a gentle breeze blowing in here…did they turn up the air? Is something going on? I just need a few more minutes to rest down here before I can get up and out of the way. I guess they were right after all…it is worse this time around, definitely much worse.

She’s here though, I can feel it in my bones…she actually made it…despite everything. Our love may not be as legendary as all those that have been lived and written. It was simple until it wasn’t. Life sometimes gives you a chance to live, feel and breathe and relish each and every one of it’s infinite moments…it almost seems too good to be true. And then it’s over, before you even realize what’s happened. Reality and all of its friends know how to play their cards and the next thing you know, the most precious moments become nothing but distant, fading memories.

No amount of holding on to mementos like their old shirts and pillows, or, smelling the scent of their perfume makes the pain dissipate. Each day is harder than the one before; you’re left behind as nothing more than a mere shell of the person you used to be. You learn how to read cues when people hesitantly ask you ‘how are you?’

You respond accordingly, albeit semi mechanically, an answer well rehearsed and now practiced with flair and finesse. You see the look of relief pass along their faces, glad they don’t have to ask you the difficult questions or stand around awkwardly trying to answer your dilemmas. Despite it all, she made it here today, and that’s all that matters.

Our story started in a farmer’s market where she was haggling or trying to at least, and in the end snagged my bag of goodies. I got home with a whole bunch of strawberries and blueberries and all these damn fruits.

Funny, I thought she wouldn’t make it, I was told she’s getting married. What a fitting if not ironic way to celebrate life…when a new one begins an old one is fading and ready to be put out. Things could’ve been different, with different end results and consequences. I guess this is where the regrets and reflections portion of life kicks in…but on a more serious note what is up with this deafening silence. I still smell her perfume in the air…come on eyes now is not a good time to start shutting down for a little nap; you might miss catching a glimpse of her. Tell you what, how about I strike a deal with you huh? Let’s re-live the story once more and then you can have yourself a nice little nap okay?

The next time I saw her was at the Farmer’s Market the following week. Well I made a pointed effort to track Miss Fruity Cocktail and give her bags back to her…well that, and, I needed food as well. At least this way I knew I wouldn’t be losing or switching bags this time around.

Tipping Point

Ola ola, one and all!

It’s been a while since I left behind a poetic song, or whatever you wanna call it. It’s been a messed up and interesting time, where nothing seems to be going according to plan in my head, but I’m being told that I’m over-reacting and under-appreciating all that I have, by bloodbornes. What wouldn’t you do to let people have the ‘pensieve’ moment as far as your life is concerned right?

Ooh speaking of ‘Pensieves’ and all things Harry Potter, who went and checked out what their Patronus is?!?! I DID!!! If you haven’t checked it out and you’re a #Potterhead or #Potterfan like me and the rest o’ the world, what are you waiting for?! Go and check it out stat!

Tipping Point

Is it easier…
To fall apart?
To break?
Make a mistake?
Fall from grace?
Or…
Live life in a trance?
Disappear, without a trace?
All in the name of saving face?
Keeping an illusion alive?
At your expense?
While you fade away?
Or do you rise?
Create your own resistance?
Make your stand?
Mark your place?
Be the feared revenant,
Burn down the demons,
Disperse the remnants,
Scatter their remains
Into unknown places,
Newfound spaces,
Beyond the reach,
Of time, of distance,
Of memory and existence.

SJ

The Beast

Words aren’t all that far and few these days. Time on the other hand most definitely is. That being said and all, I still think this has been the year I’ve churned out way more words creatively than I have in the past 4-5 years, I’m sure my homies and guinea pigs subjected to reading my jazz can attest to this.

Well you all know the drill, lemme know what you think in the comments section below!

The Beast 

You can’t wake something up,
That’s been living deep within you
eternally.
Some call it a monster, a beast,
Others a bluff, a lie, a mere joke,
You carved out of fear.
But you know don’t you?
You alone know the truth
of what resides within.
Neither beast, nor escape.
Nor your release, 
Nor your sense of peace,
It’s just you…
The version of you,
That’s always looking out
for you,
And eternally watching over you.

SJ

Book Review: Milk & Honey by Rupi Kaur

milk&honey

So recently on a trip, I invested in a book of poetry….well it was very conflicting for me as I have never bought any poetry books until very recently…so far I’ve purchased 2 of ‘em. For someone who writes poetry I guess it’s a little surprising perhaps. Anyhoo, I was surprised to see the book in the first place (that too at the airport of all places) and curious about the book because my social media feeds have been filled with excerpts/blurbs of poetry written by the lady herself. What little I read at that point had me going wow, that’s the power of words.

I finished reading the book on the flight and initially, the first half of the book wasn’t all that appealing and to a certain extent it did get me a lil’ disinterested, however, the 2nd half of the book reeled me back in and it was one sucker-punch after another with every lil’ bit that I read. I’m bowled over by the power of words, her ability to keep her poetry so brief, concise and so damn powerful is just mind boggling and has left quite an impact. I’m certain I will re-read this book and it probably will travel with me wherever I go. I also want to mention the poetess’ note for the readers at the end of the book, it in itself is an ode/poem and is so beautifully written and is just as sweet as milk and honey.

I’m liking this new habit of picking up random works of written art. Would I recommend this book to others? Hell yes…but I have my own reasons, I like pushing art forms that I also tend to butcher and massacre i.e. poetry :P. Besides, it’s very well written and man oh man does it hit so many emotional tangents and leaves deep deep footprints in one’s mind and soul. Looking forward to more written/published work from Rupi Kaur!

Short Shot/Writing Spark: Voice-Mail

So this idea popped into my head before I went to bed last night. And…well…I couldn’t really ignore it, because if I do it’ll turn a little more convoluted & complicated than it initially started out. I’m not sure if I would categorize it as a short shot/story, maybe a spark? None the less, this idea kept ruminating in my head and I had to put it down on virtual paper before I went to bed, because knowing me this has the potential of being part of a bigger story or something…and when it happens I’ll welcome it with open arms, but for now at least there’s a digital copy of something lol. Hope everyone is having a good week thus far. Feel free to share your thoughts in that comments box down below.

Voice-Mail

“Hey it’s me yet again…I had no other choice. If this is the only way I can hear your voice, then so be it. I don’t care if I’m directly responsible for filling up your voice mailbox, but to hear your voice again it’s worth it. It’s been 3 weeks, but it feels like a lifetime…How can you live lifetimes in the matter of a few days? By that rationalization then, we age everyday and we’re all much older than what we think we are when we reach old age right? It’s funny, almost ironic even, since I last saw you I have no concept of time anymore. Me the stickler, the one who tracked every minute of my day is no longer a time-keeper but timeless. Every minute of every day without you sucks. There’s this pressure and vacuum in my chest that seems to grow with every passing minute. Every single morning I wake up thinking today that pressure in my chest will dissipate, but it’s growing worse, so I was thinking of going to the ER, my antacids don’t help. I wish you would tell me what to do, you always had the better ideas. I..”

*BEEP* To save your message press 1…to replay your message press 2….to delete your message press 3….to record your message press 4….

Disbanded

Disbanded

When the world turns it’s back
on you,
When the road ahead,
Seems like the worst path,
You’ve ever travelled thus far.
When there are more thorns
than flowers,
That adorn your crown and your
garden,
When the only words you hear
Leave your soul searing,
And head spinning and reeling,
When the tear tracks marring
your face,
Seem to give you more clarity,
Than the countless smiles,
That once lit up your face.
When the only other person
you could count on,
Was the reflection looking back
at you,
With the fire of hope once burning
alive in those eyes,
But now stares back at you,
Just as vacantly.
When the whispers and voices
you hear,
Are those repeating your tales
of failure…
Where do you go to seek refuge?
Where do you find solitude?
Where is the peace…
You didn’t even realize your
soul was seeking out.
Where is that sense of belonging?
That once kept you grounded,
And bound to those around
you?
Where do you even begin?
When you can’t tell where
you are?
How do you look forward to
tomorrow?
When today seems ever eternal,
And never ending?